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December 18, 2014

Afif at 26 Months

Wow. As i looked at the title of this post, it hit me that Afif is 26 months already. i used to be the kind of person who goes "Hishhh.. Ape la kira umur anak ikot bulan. Cakap je la 2 tahun or 2 tahun setengah!" But he's not really 2 years and belom pon lagi 2 tahun setengah. So nak jugak tulis 26 bulan baahaha..

Alhamdulillah my baby is growing up happily and accordingly.

Picky Eater

i've been worried as his appetite is not as big as i wanted it to be. Aku selalu suka tengok budak makan banyak, suap je ape pon dia telan. Anak aku nan hado. Appetite bermusim. Certain days dia boleh makan nasik berlauk (feveret dia nasik, kicap manis dan ikan goreng). Kalo takde lauk baby-friendly, aku gorengkan pasta or bagi pasta bolognese je. Last two weeks dia cam sakit mulut, bila check rupanya gigi geraham tumbuh. So for two weeks, all he wanted to eat was homemade mushroom soup with bread. Homemade ok. Yang Campbell's dalam tin tu tanak. Diva sangat. He eats that for lunch and dinner EVERYDAY. God knows how many times i made mushroom soup and kept them frozen. Aku sampai takleh tengok dah mushroom soup. Porridge or pumpkin soup memang tanak ye. Skang ni dah tak sakit gigi agaknye dia feveret dia pasta plak.

On a positive side, he doesn't really eat junk food. Mungkin sebab kitorang memang tak ajar , dia tak reti makan coklat, aiskrim, cikedis sangat (kitorang makan junks when he's not around or sleeping muahaha). Aiskrim and cakes tu boleh la dia makan 2-4 suap. Keropok makan yang keropok ikan goreng kat umah tu je. Roti and yogurt dia memang suka.

Agaknye sebab dia tak suka nasik, berat dia around 11kg je. Kadang kitorang laki bini dok kata "Kesiannye la anak kita. Kurus".

Tak Tau Duduk Diam

i don't know if it's a boy thing or generally all babies at this age are like this but oh my God Afif memang tak reti langsung dok diam. The only time he can sit still is when he's writing/menconteng or watching TV/iPad (itu pon berjoget/memanjat la dia). Other than that, he'll be busy going up and down the stairs (we don't really bother to close the safety gate anymore), up and down furniture, exploring the house for lizards, ants, and cats, and wrestling the life out of Mr. Chenta and i.

Eating out is a nightmare for us. NIGHTMARE! i'm not exaggerating. He can only sit on the baby chair for two seconds. Pastu sibok nak keluar and naik turun escalator/ke jalan raya/naik turun lif/walk around. Ada sekali ni gi makan kat Adam Lai, kat situ ada akarium yang rendah (which is stupid coz kids can dip their hands or even swim in the aquarium) and all he wanted to do is dip his hands in the water while looking at me with an evil smile sambil nak masukkan tangan berair ikan tu dalam mulut. Argh! Aku tak paham camne baby lain boleh behave kat restoran. Kitorang umpan dia ngan iPad pon dia tak heran. We avoid eating out with him at all costs. Sebab boleh buat gaduh je. Humph!

He now is a bit possessive. Pantang nampak orang main ngan toys dia, mula lah nak sibuk. But he likes socializing with people especially kids his age. Masalahnya dia tak suka budak yg lagi kecik drp dia lagi. Camne nak ajar untuk sayang adik eh? Huhu

Thankfully he doesn't have bad tantrums. Tak pernah lagi la in public dia nanges guling-guling or hentak kaki. Belom reti kot. Tak reti jugak mintak benda/mainan bila gi mall/grocery shopping. i hope you stay that way forever. Baahaha.

Suke main nyorok-nyorok. Favorite hiding spot is blakang kain, blakang telekung. Bahaha. 

Orang nak main bola sepak dia pi amek bola tu bawak lari. Takmo share (-____-)


Obsessed with ABC

We try to vary the toys in his playroom mainly because he needs that for speech and language development. But for the past few weeks, dia suka nyanyi, 'baca', susun ABC je. We have ABC charts in his room pastu dapat pulak whiteboard dengan ABC magnets masa birthday haritu.. Keje dia susun alphabets all over the house je la nowadays. Pantang nampak signboard kat memana sibuk la tunjuk sambil 'membaca'. Tapi tunggang langgang la. Bahasa dia. Baahaha.

Alphabets dia tu boleh la kenal and sebut A, E, F, I, M.. Aku sebenarnya risau gak sebab cam awal je 2 tahun dah semangat nk blaja ABC. Initially letak ABC chart tu utk bagi dia kenal name objek je. Tapi bak kata laki aku, dah dia suka, takkan nak halang. Daripada tengok kartun baik tgk ABC.




Clingy Manja

i'm almost 6 months pregnant now tapi korang jangan tak tau.. He's still breastfeeding. Yes. Sigh. i know. i tried to wean him off. Letak lemon, letak asam jawa. He just brush them off with his hands and continue feeding. Aku pon heran sebab aku rase takde susu dah. i guess he's doing it purely for comfort. Sebelom tido memang minom 6-7oz FM. Tapi pastu cari aku jugak. It's mostly my fault coz i'm not stern enough. Aku tak sampai hati biar dia nanges cari nenen while i just lay there keraskan hati.

Orang kata budak nak dapat adik ni memang manja. Memang kalo aku kat rumah memang dia suka la berkepit. Kalo main, kene aku ade same and layan. Tengok ipad/tv kene beriba or dia suka aku letak tangan atas peha dia. Kadang tu tetiba dia datang and pelok cium. Tido malam kene berpelok. Hihi. Sian daddy di pinggiran.

Mama kene dok sebelah dia teman membaca, main bagai..

Hearing and Speech

Alhamdulillah he's progressing good. Dr. Basha is very happy with his progress. Dah ada la a few words yang walopon pelat, tapi kitorang boleh paham. His hearing age is 11 months but his hearing and speech progress at age 13 months. This is good news because although his progress is a bit behind than his actual age, it is still more advance than his hearing age.

Among his words are daddy, mama, air, apple (dia sebut a-em). Consonant sounds still limited tapi vowel sounds ok dah. Contoh kaki = a-i. Cicak = i-ak. Habis = a-es. Afif = a-i jugak. Haha. 

Dr. Basha kata speech development memang start dengan vowel sounds dulu. InshaAllah he'll be able to pronounce words better when he hears more of it. Mama and daddy have to talk non-stop kasi dia banyak exposed to words. Baik lah!

All in all, alhamdulillah. Makin lama makin bijak. Nak jadi abang pon haa..
December 7, 2014

The Story

Been listening to this song over and over again these past few weeks.
It's an old song but mannnn.. Berhantu.
Maybe it's because it's December.
Mr. Chenta's and my birthday.
The anniversary of our dating years.
The anniversary of our wedding.
All in one month.


 



"Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do, I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through
Like you do
And I was made for you"
November 13, 2014

Sneeze Fest

The past 3 days have been challenging.

Came down with flu and non-stop sneeze fest on Monday afternoon. Sampai rumah terus melepet sampai malam. Mr. Chenta pepandai la jaga Afif aku dah takleh bangon.

Tuesday morning i woke up with an awful throb in my head, a fever and a nose full of snot that i could barely breathe without my mouth hanging open. Tissue papers full of snot around me. Not a pretty sight at all. Melepet all day. Sian anak aku mintak perhatian, ajak main, mintak nenen tapi tak berapa dilayan. i did not take any medications coz i'm worried it might affect the baby in my tummy.

Tengah hari tu gi klinik nak mintak ubat and MC. Doktor boleh kasi paracetamol je, vitamin B complex, ubat sakit tekak and nasal spray. Ubat selsema dia tak brani bagi katanya. She's really concerned coz my blood pressure is very low. 90/60. Katanya kalo low pon patut nya cannot go lower than 70 (nombo yang bawah tu). Takot blood flow ke baby tak cantik. Dia pesan soh banyak banyak minom air and rest. Of course la aku risau. 

Wednesday morning still demam, sakit kepala and hidung sumbat tambah plak ngan batuk. Cukup pakej. Pas makan roti, makan ubat. Still tak larat gi keje so aku gi klinik balik sebab nak mintak MC harini. Doctor check blood pressure lagi rendah drp semalam. 90/53 pulak. Seriously how do you elevate blood pressure? Ingatkan dapat la rest the whole day tapi dapat plak appointment alert kat phone for Afif's post-surgery follow up kat Sunway Medical. Gagahkan hati teman hubby and Afif pi check up. Lama la jugak petang baru settle. 

Here i am today at work. Tak larat dah nak MC sebabnye kalo dok umah pon still kene layan Afif ku sayang. Bertabah je la dok opis ni haa..

It's true what they say. There's no sick days for moms. Kalo dulu Afif kat umah babysitter dapat la jugak aku tido melepet bila MC. Ni sejak husband ku unpaid leave jaga dia, kalo MC pon aku kene melayan. Tak dapat bayangkan camne la full time housewife rasa bila sakit still kene jaga anak.

All in all, i'm just praying that baby in my tummy will not be affected by my fever and blood pressure.
November 3, 2014

Bun in the Oven: Round Two

As the title suggests, i'm PREGNANT, peeps!

Been meaning to blog about it for a while but mannn tak terkejar dek jari jemari ku.

Alhamdulillah. We're overjoyed by this!

Truthfully, ikot hati memang dah lama nak baby lagi. Sebabnya aku slalu rindu time pregnant. Umur pon nak masuk 3-series tahun depan. Tapi memikirkan dlu aku c-sect so cam lek ah duluuu..

Another main reason why we waited is because of Afif. He needs constant interaction with us to promote listening and speech development. Kalo ada adik, takot tak terbahagi masa. Based on my observation, parents lain yang dedicated memang tunggu 4-5 tahun sebelom konfiden nak beranak lagi. Ada sorang akak ni, sampai her deaf daughter tu dah 7 tahun, baru dia conceive balik. So we prayed hard. If having a little brother/sister will impact Afif's speech development, jangan bagi dulu. But if a lil' brother/sister could help him develop better (sebab ada kawan untuk dia main, sekali gus interact and improve bahasa), sila lah bagi skang.

Alhamdulillah, positive plak pregnancy test. Memang terkejot weh. We take it as a sign that it'll all be okay.

i'm well into my second trimester now. Gonna be 17 weeks on Wednesday.

 12th week ultrasound


16th week ultrasound.
Membesar bagai jaguh anak mama, baru 16 weeks but measured at 17 weeks already.

At 15 weeks of pregnancy.
Sempat gi concert Mariah Carey. Gigih!
Muat lagi jeans zaman baru grad uni. But i think it won't be long till i have to be in maternity clothes.

This time around, i took precautionary steps as soon as i found out i'm pregnant. Telan vitamin C bebanyak nak buff up immune system. Takmo demam panas especially in the first trimester cam masa pregnant Afif dulu. Ada jugak risau takot this baby pon kurang dengar cam abang dia but we're praying and hoping for the best.

Harap korang pon sudi lah doakan baby ni sihat sempurna, jadi insan soleh/solehah ye. Amin.


October 20, 2014

i Want to Touch a Dog.. Or Maybe Not

Again, after the Octoberfest issue, Malaysians are shook with another religion/cultural sensitive issue.

To be honest, when i saw the promo for "i Want to Touch a Dog" event, i was tempted.

Because to be honest, i like them dogs, especially the ones that looks like fox. Siberian husky is it? And another one is Shiba Inu. So fluffy, so cute, so loyal and so friendly (at least that's how they look on tvs). Cats are not really my thing because.. well, after living with them for years, i found that they're boring. At least you can play fetch with a dog, take them for walks, and (again from tvs) they understand you when you talk to them. And they sit by your grave when you die (blame the tv). Cats just meow and ask for more food.

So there you have it. A confession for me. Yes, i like dogs. 

As much as i love this wonderful creature, i'm also a Muslim. Not only Muslim by name, i'm practicing Muslim. Part of being a Muslim is questioning and understanding why certain things are restricted/limited/forbidden in Islam. And being a Muslim, of course i refrain myself from getting near dogs.

So back to the "i Want to Touch a Dog" event. i'm sure whoever organized the event has a good intention at heart. The objective was something like to overcome people's fear of dogs, to show that dogs are not haraam, and to create awareness about samak/sertu. 

When i heard about that, i thought it was somewhat good idea and i also thought "Boy, this will be controversial"

i decided not to go anyway. Because..

1) i was unclear of  what the hukum is for us to pet dogs without reason (anjing sakit ke, nak kasi makan ke ape memang diharuskan..) 
2) if Afif likes them dogs, dah satu hal plak everytime nampak anjing dia nak pet. Besides, he's still so little he doesn't understand right from wrong. Kang tak pasal-pasal mintak anjing dengan alasan "dulu Mama tak ingat ke kite sayang anjing tewww"
3) i already love dogs. Takyah gi kempen segala to nurture my love for dogs
4) malas nak bangon pagi baahaha

On the day of the event,i was shocked to see people, especially Muslims, posting pictures of them not only touching/petting, but hugging and carrying the adorable dogs. My thought was "leceh nyaaa kene samak baju segala.." 

True enough, the event received mixed review. Ada yang sokong tapi banyaknya memang bash la those Muslims yang bangga bergambar peluk anjing. Lain objective, lain yang jadi. Hakak-hakak yang pelok anjing tu naik sheikh agaknya bergambar tak ingat siap ada caption bangga.

Answering my question on hukum memegang anjing untuk suka-suka, here's a fatwa by Jakim:


i love UAI's take on this:

Haa.. Moh peluk biawak!


In the end, i think that the event brings more harm than good. Ko nak pegang anjing ke peluk ke, sila lah. Tak perlu buat kempen camni. Ade je anak-anak dato', tan sri bela anjing. Lantak dia la. Tak ajak orang maka orang pon tak la bising. 

Benda camni menimbulkan pergaduhan. Last-last Muslim sama Muslim gak bergaduh and non-Muslims akan pandang serong kat Islam 'itu tak boleh ini tak boleh' katanya. Apa pon takbley..

Let's just live in peace and respect each other's belief.



p/s: bak kata kawan aku, benda yang dilarang la orang nak buat. Tapi bagi aku, sendiri kena ingat pada pegangan. Contohnya aku teringin nak ada tattoo. Tapi dah benda tu haram, kene la ikot hukum hoii. Sama la kisah pegang anjing ni. Tak payah nak liberal sangat la.






October 13, 2014

A Little Update

i seriously miss blogging.

The past two months have been eventful that i hardly have time to write. Work is crazy. personal life is also crazy. In a nutshell:

1) Shaf Got Engaged
- My bestfriend, Shaf, got engaged to her boyfriend Shafiq!

The bride-to-be & i
Please please notice that i'm wearing my wedding skirt. Happy mak sebab still muat walopon ketat sket. Muahahaha 

Bestfriends since 1999
Sebelom tu kawan je tak kawan baik. Baahaha.

2) Family + GF Vacay in Lombok
- Shaf, Shaq, Mr. Chenta, Afif and i spent 4 days 3 nights in Lombok. That place is so beautiful it deserves an entire post for itself. Will upload it sometime this week. i promise!

View at The Chandi Resort & Spa, Lombok.

3) Afif & Rotavirus
-Tak sempat habis rasa ke-best-an becuti di Lombok, Afif kene diarrhea yang dahsyat. It all started during our flight back from Lombok to KL. Lagi sejam nak sampai KL, dia start poo poo dalam flight. Ok fine tukar pampers. Ok je poo poo dia tak cair or anything. 20 minutes after that, kitorang bau lagi dia poo poo. Busok. Pastu nampak pampers dah nak bocor kat tepi tu. Cepat-cepat tukar kat lavatory. Sampai airport, poo poo lagi.
- We reached home at about 6pm. He continued poo poo yang cair. Kesian. Malam tu demam yang panas. Kasi PCM pon kejap je kebah. Pastu demam balik.
- The next morning, kami risau sebab demam tak reda and masih diarrhea. Bawak dia gi PCMC's ER. His temperature was 39.9°C! Doctor and nurse cecepat masukkan ubat bontot (first time ever for him) and lap badan dia ngan kain basah. Unfortunately, wad paedriatric was full. We chose to go to Columbia Asia Setapak (CAS) instead.
- Sampai CAS, jumpa paed nama Dr. Faizal. Dia check Afif. Thankfully he did not look dehydrated yet. Menangis still keluar air mata. Bibir only a bit dry. But he admitted Afif to the ward, just to make sure he's well hydrated.
- We spent 3 days at the hospital. On the second day memang confirm Afif kene rotavirus. Thankfully he didn't puke. Not even once. Tapi memang berbelas kali la kuar masuk toilet basuh poo poo dia. Kesian dengan bontot melecetnya. Dah la second day tu aku sorang yang jaga dia coz hubby had to go to work.
- Bila dah discharged, dia still cirit birit kat rumah. Thankfully the next day terus okay. Alhamdulillah.
- i honestly did not think that the food or water in Lombok caused the diarrhea. Coz we were pretty choosy of where and what we eat (except for on the third day makan kat warung. Tapi kalo kene kat situ, mesti la within hours dia dah start cirit). i think the baby changing room at the airport that we went to just before departing is the culprit.

It's crazy how much difference a day could make. 
One day he's at his healthiest, bersuka ria kat Lombok. The next day terlantar kat katil hospital.

 Time ni memang nak berkepit je la. 
Asalnya aku tengah in-training to wean him off the breast. But since he's sick, he only wants to breastfeed 24/7. Reject trus susu formula.

Kesian boring dok spital Memang ngadap Upin Ipin, Barney and Pocoyo je la kat iPad.
Ada hikmah jugak sakit. Dia tetiba pandai sebut 3 words in those 3 days. 
Ani = Barney
Air = Air (sebab tengok aku asik bancuh Ribena+garam ORS tu)
Ish = Fish

4) Sister-in-law Flew Off to UK to Further Study
- My sister-in-law, Farah, is now a postgraduate student at University of Surrey. She's Afif's favorite aunt, sebab memang dok skali pon. Dia yang gi study, aku yang excited. i now have a reason to go to UK again! Muahahaha..

Sending Kakak off to UK.
Yang bestnya, MIL pon ikot sebab nak settlekan dia kat sana. Ikot hati nak je ikot skali. Kalo la duit tumbuh kat pokok..


5) Mr. Chenta is Now a Temporary Stay-at-home Dad!
- Because Afif needs round the clock interaction with us, ideally i have to stay at home and be his speech therapist. i did that earlier this year (3-months unpaid leave). Kali ni, laki aku plak voluntarily offer diri nak jaga Afif. Nak merasa plak katanya. So he's on 3-months unpaid leave jugak. Is he a superdaddy or what? i'm one lucky girl!
- So far so good. Baru dia tau penatnya jadi full time househusband. Dr. Basha is so impressed seeing Afif's improvement after only 1-week hubby cuti. Sapa kata mak je yang pandai jaga anak?

6) Afif Turned 2!
- Last Saturday was Afif's second birthday! Time passes by just like that. Sebab tahun lepas takde any birthday celebration untuk dia (seketul kek pon takde wey), we decided to throw him a party. This too, deserve a whole post for itself. Will update later.

Okay that's all i got for now. Till next post!



August 4, 2014

Overly Attached Son

Anak bujang.. Memang orang kata sangat manja dengan mama dia. Afif pon. Memang manja memang clingy dengan aku. Tapi manja dan clingy dia tak la over possessive. Dia tak kisah pon kalo aku main or bermesra dengan baby lain.

Or so i thought.

Until last Wednesday.

Hubs' best friend, Faiz and Shila together with the cute Ayra datang beraya. i though Afif and Ayra could get along well like they did last time. Harapan tinggal harapan. Aku dukung Ayra, dia nangis datang siap nk pukul Ayra. Nasib baik aku sempat tahan. Pastu dia peluk aku kuat-kuat. Dok je kat riba aku and kalo main pon, jeling-jeling nak make sure Ayra tak manje-manje ngan aku. Pastu Ayra main toys dia yang dia tak main pon, pastu dia datang laju-laju, rampas toy tu, letak tepi and blah. Sigh, bila dah nampak asik gaduh je, aku kasi diorang iPad and pasang Upin Ipin dengan harapan boleh berdamai. Harapanku hancur. Afif dok depan-depan iPad tu sambil pegang. Dengki tahap gaban.

Malam tu pegi beraya. Ada la sorang baby ni baya-baya dia jugak. Aku tak dukung pon budak tu. Just salam and pgang tangan je. Dia nampak dari jauh, laju-laju datang dengan muka nak lepuk budak tu. Cepat2 aku dukung dia.

OMG sejak bila anak Mama kedekut Mama and kedekut toys ni??

That phase has come for him. The self-centered, everything-is-mine phase. 

p/s: camni nyer perangai, camne awak nak ada adik? :p
July 10, 2014

Ramadhan Rants

Awal Ramadhan tahun ni sedih sikit untuk aku.

Pertamanya sebab ketiadaan suami terchenta. Seperti yang telah aku bebelkan di post-post sebelum ni, Mr. Chenta kene gi outstation. Tapi syukur yang amat, hari ketiga puasa dia kembali ke pangkuan keluarga dah. Wiwiwi..

Keduanya yang sedih adalah sebab aku celebrate first day Ramadhan kat hospital.

Yup. Kat hospital, uols. Buka pon makanan hospital. Sambil bergenang air mata.

Ok, over.

Ceritanya begini..

Afif kene buat MRI and CT scan. Bab kenapa tu nanti lain post la aku citer. Rupanya bukan gi spital, scan, pastu balik. Disebabkan toddler macam Afif ni tak reti dok diam, kene sedate or bius dia bagi knock out baru dok diam dan boleh scan. Maka bermalam la kat spital. Doktor pulak cam takde time lain kan nak bagi.. Time nak puasa dan takda suami jugak laaa aku kene berkampung kat HUKM tu haa..

Demi anak aku gagahkan je la.

Nak buka first day tu pon mintak ehsan nurse tolong belikan makanan. Tak kuasa aku nak mengejar Afif sambil nak beli makan kat kafeteria. Last-last time buka aku habiskan nasi lauk sup ayam Afif jugak sebab sayang anak aku tak abes makan. Nasi yang nurse tapaukan aku buat makan sahur.

Takpe lah itu puasa chapter satu.

Yang penting skang terasa nikmat puasa sebab di sisi suami terchenta. Hikhik.

Boring gak la kan dok spital. 

Sedih ah camni.


Lagi satu yang baru pasal Ramadhan tahun ni adalah aku baru pindah cubicle. Baahaha pindah cubicle pon kecoh kan? Tapi ye, aku rasa ia adalah macam a fresh start. A colleague is moving to another department, so kiranya aku kene take over most of his jobs. Which is a challenge for me as he left a huge shoe to fill. Dia serba serbi lagi terer dari aku dalam bab keje ni. So aku amek inisiatif tukar cubicle ni supaya physically dekat dengan tempat boss baru aku (selama ni aku rasa bos lupa aku wujud), and dekat dengan team mate yang lain. Funny how a change of scenery can lift your spirit.

Ape lagi nak bebel ye?

Oooohhh.. did you know i lost 3kgs in the 3 weeks that my husband was gone? Angau punya pasal. Ni dia dah balik i bet i'm gonna gain back the 3kilos (and more).

Dah sebulan aku berhenti mengepam di office. Mulanya susah la jugak aku nak let go. Tapi bila pam pon, tak banyak susu, sudah demotivated di situ (my own fault sape suruh pam sekali sehari je kan). Dulu walaupon malas, aku gagahkan jugak ngepam sebab Afif takmo langsung FM.. Ni dia dah suka FM, tu yang malas dah nak pam. Tapi bila aku ade kat rumah memang still bergayut je la 24 jam. Cukup dia 2 tahun nanti memang aku nak wean him off. Mama wants her boobs back!

i should go to bed now. Salam Ramadhan and happy fasting!
June 27, 2014

A Bit Emotional Today

i'm sure most of you have heard about adik Muhammad Firdaus Dullah yang ditinggalkan dalam keadaan teramat kotor dan teramat kurus kering. Ya Allah bila aku nampak snippet berita itu di Facebook memang berair mata aku. Tak sanggup tengok video yang di-upload.

Anyway, i'm not here to judge or bash the mom. Biar lah keyboard warriors dan masyarakat umum memaki dia di serata Malaysia. Yes, what she did is beyond cruel and the biggest punishment is the shame and guilt she's in, abandoning her OKU son like that. Tapi sape la aku untuk layak memaki hamun dia kan. Something must've gone wrong somewhere for the mother to suddenly abandon him like that (but 'kesempitan hidup' is definitely not the acceptable reason). And i hope and pray that i will NOT turn into that kind of mother whatever the reason is. Nau'zubillah min zalik.

Bila nampak adik tu, aku teringat Afif. Yes my son, Afif. He's OKU too. Thankfully he's only deaf, bukan lah ada cerebral palsy, autism, etc. 

Afif, oh God, Afif..
Mama loves you so much.
You're perfect to me in your imperfection.
i thought i have loved my best when i fell in love with your daddy but you prove that there's a whole new kind of unconditional love.

i pray to Allah that i can be the best mother for you.
To protect you.
To raise you whole.
To raise you as a good Khalifah.
To not abandon you in any way; emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
To love you in good times, and especially in the hard times. (God knows how hard it is sometimes)
To always have patience.
And hopefully to not die before you can survive on your own for i know how lost it is to live without parents.

Amin, ya Rabb. Amin.
Semoga panjang jodoh kita.

 Berhingus ke, banyak akal ke, malas gosok gigi ke, Mama sayang Afif.

Macam pompuan ke, suka dera Barney (and Mama) ke, pekak ke.. Mama sayang Afif.

June 25, 2014

LDM Day 16

This long distance marriage thing is no kidding.

Maaf lah i'm a bit whiny in this post. Ni first time berjauhan ngan suami. Memang aku meroyan sket.

First there's this i-miss-my-husband issue. It feels so strange not being able to call him at work just because i want to call him. Because he's always on the plane, we can't promptly reply each other's Whatsapp. Our Whatsapp thread looks a bit like this:

 Me: baby.. Makan apa tu dinner 

*no response*8 hour later* 

Husband: Hey baby baru sampai ni, baru habis breakfast and check in hotel.

Kejap kat Quito, kejap Sao Paulo, kejap Brasilia, kejap San Jose..

And do not get me started on the time difference. Our time difference vary from 11 hour to 13 hours depending of his wherabout. Time dia bangon, aku tido. Dia tido, aku tengah siang. Nowadays i go to work with bags under my eyes as a result of staying up bergayut telepon sampai 2-3am. Rindu katanya, bergayut la macam time mula bercinta dulu.

Afif pulak macam rindu je daddy dia. Lepas 2 hari laki aku takde, dia dah start ada perangai. Clingy, cepat sentap terus nanges, tantrum. Start develop perangai suka hantuk kepala kat dinding and lantai. Dulu aku tak percaya budak-budak reti rindu rindu ni. Tapi bila aku ada anak sendiri, yes it happens. Yang stress tu bila Facetime tak pulak dilayan daddy dia. Jual mahal. Memang kene banyak je sabar layan perangai anak. 

Dah la haritu kenduri kawen adik aku. Nak kene layan tetamu lagi, jaga Afif lagi. Memang tak glam langsung la aku. Pakai flats je senang nak kejar anak. Not to mention bawak Afif gi appoinment audio, speech therapy and music class without my husband. Nasib baik ada adik ipar aku. Dia la banyak menolong. Tapi ye la kan mana sama ngan suami sendiri.

Pastu aku skang dengar sappy love songs aje. Haih. i'm sappy like that.

But i'm really happy for him. Keje dia jarang dapat travel. Tup tup dapat travel gi tempat exotic cam Latin America ni. Dia gi hiking la, tengok carnival la (tahap macam dlm cter Rio tu orang pakai bra and spender je tepi jalan) and he shopped! Laki aku cheapskate jarang betol shopping. So it's good to see another part of him. Walopon sebenarnya jeles jugak kan. Hihi.

Dah, dah. Come back, be here. We miss you. 

Sincerely, 
Bini yang Meroyan.




June 11, 2014

Afif's Hearing Journey

As you probably know, Afif is hearing impaired.

After a long time of pondering, i have created a blog to specifically record his journey to sounds, to hear and listen and his journey to speak and talk. 

The blog is fairly new. i have lots of ideas for it but being a working mom, memang tak banyak masa la terluang untuk edit blog. Pelan-pelan kayuh la.

Hopefully, parents of deaf or hard-to-hear child/ren can also find the blog helpful. There are not many blogs about raising hard-of-hearing children by our fellow Malaysians, so i hope this blog could make up for the statistics.


p/s: if you know any group/websites/blogs for/about deaf children or parents of deaf children, do let me know.

June 9, 2014

Halfway Around The World

Last two weeks my husband came home from work and told me an unusual news; he has to go outstation. 

Unusual because in his line of work, there's rarely chance to travel. 

Naturally i was excited for him. He, on the other hand, was not. He's worried about Afif and i as he's supposed to take a long time off work to look after Afif. Dia kata kesian nanti aku kene jaga Afif sorang. 

Bless my husband for being selfless.

We talked about it. I assured him that we'll be okay. He can cuti after the trip. We'll manage. This is a good opportunity for his career development and he should just take it. Go! Dont worry, go.

After lots of convincing, baru dia okay and excited nak gi. 

At work, i found myself typing "how to survive long distance marriage" into Google search. So much for being a strong, independent wife.

And the guessing game began..

Where would he be posted?

Brasil? Lagos? Algeria? Equador? Jeddah?

For how long? A month? Whattt kene extend 3 bulan?

When will he leave? This week? Next week? Sempat ke lepas wedding adik adik aku?






He left this morning.

Tentatively for 3 weeks. God forbid it'll be extended. Please, no. 

Memang next weekend dia takda la masa wedding adik adik aku.

Sigh. 

This is the first time we've been apart for this long since getting married. Needless to say, i'm feeling lost. 

He has not even yet reached his destination and i already am missing him like crazy.

As for Afif.. Takda perasaan pon masa hantar daddy dia pagi tadi. Sibok main escalator (-____-)




I can only pray that he's always safe from harm, under the Almighty's guidance and care. Semoga takde flight attendants or hot Latina kat sana ngorat dia ke ape. Semoga i am given the strength to look after my never-out-of-energy-and-banyak-akal toddler. Semoga cepat boleh jumpa.

Amin.

P/s: kalo outstation London/Paris/Australia memang aku amek je cuti panjang ikot dia ke sana. 
May 30, 2014

New Friend

The past week has been a bit of emotional whirlwind for me.

Having blessed with a hearing impaired child, i'm never at ease. Most days are fine. Some days i'm in despair, panic attack, guilt.. i worry a lot. i have so many questions.

When will Afif talk?
What if Afif can't talk?
Will his future be okay?
Can he make friends?
Can he go to normal school?

More questions than i (or even his therapist) could answer.

The hardest thing is not having or knowing anyone else that have the same experience.

i missed Afif's last speech therapy because i had to present in a meeting. i never missed it and God did i feel guilty. Mr. Chenta took him for therapy and he is amazing but you know it's different when you are not there.

Because i'm such a control freak, i emailed his therapist. i can't rest not getting information first hand. Asking this and that. i hope she doesn't find me too bossy and nosey. My prayer has been answered when she gave me a contact number of a mom with a hearing impaired daughter.

It's just what i need.

Someone who was there, went through what i go through.
Someone who can share what she did. How she did it.
Someone who understands.

We got in touch recently. Alhamdulillah for this new friend.

She said it ain't easy.
She took time off work in the critical years.
She went for seminars/talks/classes. She sent the daughter (who was 2-4 years at that time) to music class, writing class, and various therapies.
She put of having another baby until the daughter is 6 years old.
But now, she said, it's worth it. The daughter is 7 years old and speaking and hearing well.

i'm so amazed at her effort.
i never thought of music class nor writing class for Afif (for God's sake, he's not even 2!)
i never went for talks/seminars/playgroup. Not because i don't want to, because i couldn't find one.
Though i wanted to go someplace else for therapy, i never made the move.

This new info is both a relief and a curse.
Because i feel like i'm not doing enough for my son.

Oh well.
What the use of dwelling.
Now that i know, i'll do a better job.

Must. Find. Music. Class. ASAP.
Must. Find. A. Talk/Seminar. ASAP.


May 22, 2014

Reality Check

Semalam macam biasa lah aku balik keje naik train. Terhegeh-hegeh berjalan dengan 5-inch heels aku ni. Macam biasa jugak lah dalam train memang kebarangkalian nak dapat tempat duduk memang sangat kecil. Tak la jugk kesah sebab dah biasa berdiri. 

So there i was, minding my own business, playing with my phone, berdiri mengadap passanger yang duduk.

Tiba-tiba..

"Dik.. Nak duduk?" tegur sorang akak yang duduk depan aku. "Sorry la akak baru perasan.." katanya.

And i was like "Eh.. Takpe kak"

And she said "Takpe.. Duduk lah" sambil nak bangon.

Aku pon cakap "Takpe kak.. Saya bukan ngandong pon. Ni gemok je.."

Muka hakak tu PRICELESS

Reaction dalam kepala hotak aku pon PRICELESS.

HAMAGADDDD serious lah aku dah gemok tahap orang mengandong ke weh?

Then i realized i have been eating a lot lately especially bende manis seperti ice blended, choc chip cookies (banyak gila sebab tengah membungkus kat umah untuk doorgift adik aku kawen), popcorn.. Aku perasan gak nasi dalam pinggan pon dah jadi setengah pinggan compared to dulu before Afif suku pinggan gitu je. 

Alasan aku makan sukahati adalah sebab aku breastfeed, i need more to produce milk. Memang selama ni makan banyak mana pon, berat aku maintain. Siap lose weight masa cuti 3 bulan sebab penat jadi SAHM. Tapi skang aku pam pon sehari sekali compared to dulu 2-3 kali. Memang calorie berlebih tu jadi lemak la, bukan jadi susu.

A hard slap of reality in my face.

Seriously, kene kembali ke pangkal jalan. 

No more excessive eating. 
No more twice a week Extreme Latte Frappe. 
No more makan cookies. 
No more cream based pasta everytime makan pasta. 
No more nasik lemak. 
No more late night nasik just because "nanti malam takda susu camne?"

Have to workout.

Petang tu, sampai je umah lepas amek Afif terus lah mini workout katanya. Kat dalam bilik je pon sambil Afif layan iPad. Planking. Push-ups. Sit-ups (which i failed miserably sebab takde orang pegang kaki aku). Squats. The things i learnt in bootcamp. Nak gi gym, jogging bagai sape la nak jaga anak aku kan..

Lunch pulak harini aku makan salad je. Ok fine sebenarnya bawah salad tu ade pasta coz i still need some carbo ok. But at least not nasi lauk ayam lemak.

Not much but it's something. A start to my change.


Aku bukan nak diet beriya macam orang kat insta/fb #eatclean #workout #abs #fitness katanya. Sekadar kembali ke pangkal jalan. 

Wish me luck and doa la supaya aku tak start makan cam onggiler after 1 week. 

30 day squat challenge for beautiful ass.
Jom?

p/s: aku pon slalu confuse dalam train sama ada seseorang perempuan itu mengandung atau pon gemok. Aku rasa tips untuk tau pompuan dalam train tu pregnant ataupon gemok: 

1) kalo pakai kasut 5 inci sah la tak pregnant. 
2) kalo dia muka pucat nampak penat pastu pegang perot 70% kemungkinan dia pregnant
3) pakai kasut tumit rendah yang tak cantik tapi comfy tu kemungkinan 50% pregnant (i wore a hideous yellow Clarks flats throughout my pregnancy sebab walopon tak cantik, itu yg paling selesa utk aku)
4) dia tayang perot dia kat depan 'seats for disabled people' dengan muka yang macam kata "bangon la wehh aku ngandong, nak duduk"

May 21, 2014

Slow

Boleh tak aku nak kata aku stress dengan keje?

Haih.

Tahun baru ni, opis baru ada re-org. New boss. New task. New experience.

Tapi ntah la. Aku rasa macam lagi kurang keje. Aku harapkan dapat technical work seperti buat static model ke, buat well proposal ke. Tapi setakat almost 2 bulan yang aku dah start keje ni, keje aku adalah kumpul data, review report orang, compare itu ini.

Haih.

Stress lah weh.


p/s: Manusia. Keje banyak, komplen. Keje sikit, komplen. Keje susah, komplen. Keje senang, komplen.

Update: lepas je aku tulis post ni, aku gi jumpe boss, propose in-house study. And she said yes! Yayyy so ade la jugak technical job pasni. Wish me luck!


May 16, 2014

My New Baby

For those who know me, they know that i love to shop. Heck, pompuan mana lah tak suka shopping kan? Kikiki..

Tapi sebenarnya those who knows me know that sebenarnya aku ni kedekut. Truthfully, aku takda designer shoes. Bag mahal pon ada satu je, itu pon beg hantaran yang laki aku bagi. Mini Stam by March Jacobs tu dah dua tahun aku usha. Nak beli, sayang duit. Bukan tak mampu weh tapi duit beriban tu baik la aku gi travel or beli bag 2-3 ketul. Laki aku kesian, dia belikan lah juga untuk buat hantaran. Sukaaaaa! Sampai skang terperap dalam dustbag, pakai bila ada special occasion je. Punya lah sayang.

For this year's bonus, i decided to buy something BIG for myself. As a reward for the past one year of being a mom. For the time i took off work to concentrate on Afif. For buying something significant that i can look back and say "Oh.. Tahun 2014 aku beli INI". Something entirely for me. Unlike past years where i save up my bonus for family holidays, house stuff, baby stuff, wedding stuff..

So i decided to buy a bag. A designer bag.

Aku bajetkan bawah 5k je. 5k tu pon aku rasa banyak dah weh for a bag. i surveyed high and low for something i like below RM5k. Gucci, LV, Ferragamo, Prada, Fendi.. Ceh Carlo Rino tak pulak ko jengah kan? Baahaha..

Yang sakit hati nya, semua bag aku suka mesti atas 5k. Yang 5k and below either canvas or fabric. Gila tak berbaloi beli bag beriban tapi bukan leather pon. Alang-alang mahal, beli la leather kan? Tapi paham tak yang aku suka memang semuanya over budget. 

Stress.

Antara beg yang aku usha dan berkenan:


Fendi Toujours 

MM Neverfull Epi Leather in Orange.
One of my dream bags. Boleh letak botol susu, barang anak, mak nenek segala. 
Pastu As kata ko beli bag mahal nak letak botol susu anak? (-____-)

 Chanel Boy.
Berangan je weh masuk Chanel. Ni lagi la berbelas ribu. Mampoo?

Prada Double Zipper Patent Saffiano.
Went crazy for this aaaa!

3 weeks aku survey weh.. Survey online, survey kat butik. 3 weeks i ponder is it freaking worth it to spend thousands on a bag? 3 weeks i slept on it. 3 weeks aku membebel kat laki aku pasal handbag. 3 freaking weeks! 

Last-last laki aku kata "beli je la mana yang suka.. Kang beli yang murah (tapi mahal gak) tapi tak suka buat apa?" Mesti dia dah penat dengar aku membebel, meng-compare itu ini.

Maka aku beli je la walopon memang telan air liur tengok orang tu swipe kad aku kaa-chinggg!

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 Ngajor anak naik beskal sambil pegang handbag. Boleh?
Muat je pampers and botol susu Afif dalam ni. Bahaha.


Ok. Now i can shut up. Dok dediam peluk je beg ape ade. Pasni takde dah entry aku beli beg ye. Menabung balik. Tunggu dua tahun.

Okbye.


May 12, 2014

Toddler Activity: Bathroom Painting

Ok so Afif loves the iPad. i came to realize that after two mornings of him getting up and out of bed and point the iPad at me. Now before you bash me, don't worry. It's not an addiction yet. Setakat ni tak pernah la lagi dia mengamuk tantrum kalo tak dapat. Phew phew..

But yaa.. Of course we have to plan stuff for him to vary his activities. Mainan banyak tapi kejap-kejap main dia bosan. Dia suka main air, aku layan la jugak kat toilet tapi susah sebab takot basah hearing aid dia. Main hide and seek pon layan. Dia layan gak crayon, pencil color and magic color tapi lelama dia ada idea conteng dinding plak (-____-) so i minimize his contact with those.

i got him this Crayola Washable Kids' Paint a few weeks ago. The first time we painted was one rainy day after he got up from his afternoon nap. Kononnya fun activity. Tapi time tu dia cranky, dia conteng sekali dua je pastu marah aku cat tapak tangan dia pastu we wrap up. So much for being artsy.

The supplies for painting activities.

 End product

Cranky kene paksa melukis

Then yesterday i had this bright idea of combining his favorite place, the toilet, and some art stuff. Maka terjadi lah bathroom painting!

Bangon pagi dan brekpes, i stripped him down. Ingatkan nak mandi la tuh. He got excited pon seeing the paint i laid on the stool in the bathroom. Then i started painting the house and tree, he followed suit. But of course, no house, tree or even stick figures from him yet. Conteng-conteng ikot suka je.



Muka puas hati main conteng-conteng

Our masterpiece.


He was so happy experimenting siap cover toilet bowl pon dia conteng. i think this activity is good to train our baby's motor skill and also to teach them colors. i even mix a few colors together to create a new color for example blue+yellow=green!

The best part is this Crayola Paint is totally washable. After our painting session, simbah air kat dinding tiles tu and gosok sikit-sikit pakai tangan je terus hilang color tu. No mess for lazy moms like me.


p/s: malam tu dia amek pencil color dan conteng dinding rumah while i was busy in the kitchen. Laki aku gelak je "siapa suruh ajar conteng toilet?" katanya. Haihhh..
May 8, 2014

Weekend in Kuantan

Last weekend, we went to Kuantan. Main objective is to attend my cousin Allan's akad nikah and wedding reception. Secondary objective is to jalan-jalan makan angin. Wahhh mampu ko siap ada primary secondary objective bagai..

Patotnya nak bertolak Jumaat pagi.. Tapi kene gi klinik audiologi plak nak betulkan setting hearing aid Afif sebab dia suka tarik-tarik. 2 jam jugak lah baru settle. Kami laki bini lemau melayan budak ni hide and seek and sepahkan klinik bagai. Pas settle tu baru balik, makan, and kol 2 baru gerak gi Kuantan.

Wan and Mak Ngah ikot skali gi Kuantan ni. Memang sempit lah kereta sebab ada carseat Afif lg. Masa pergi tu alhamdulillah Afif senyap je tido dalam carseat dia. Dah nak sampai baru jaga.

Sedap dia tido. Mama terkebil-kebil.

Sampai Kuantan around 5pm trus check-in kat Vistana. Memula nak lepak kat Hyatt sebab kononnya nak main pantai. Tapi tengok banyak bad review kat Tripadvisor, we changed our mind. Dok kat Vistana lagipon dalam bandar. Kitorang amek connecting room ngan Wan and Makngah kat bilik sebelah. Bilik dia cantik.. Sebab lepas refurbished. Cuma kecik sket bilik dia. Cam biasa lah budak kecik tu excited explore bilik, masuk kuar toilet and almari.

 First thing dia explore kat bilik hotel adalah jamban. Baahaha.



Malam tu gi rumah pengantin pompuan tengok diorang nikah. Diorang nikah kat dalam umah, aku dok luar je la area depan pelamin. Ntah apahal excited lebih Afif. Semua mak nenek yang ada kat situ dia salam, joget-joget, cubaan memanjat pelamin. Rakan-rakan sebaya dia plak sibok nak dekat-dekat ngan dia.. Mungkin sebab pelik tengok hearing aid dia.

 Buat rumah orang cam rumah sendiri. Gamba dia panjat pelamin tak sempat amek.

Akad nikah.


Weh aku suka gila wedding orang Pahang ni sebabnya ada ikan patin tempoyak hamagaddd.. Makan cam onggiler aku. Kalo tak mikirkan ni rumah orang, memang 3 kali kot aku tambah.

Kol 10 lebih camtu Afif nak sibok meraba nak nenen. Aku dok dalam kete breastfeed dia sambil tunggu diorang settle berinai. Dalam kol 11pm baru kitorang balik hotel. Barai la jugak weh.

Esoknya tengah hari gi reception diorang. Balik hotel melepet je kitorang. Petang tu bertegas kejotkan laki ajak gi picnic kononnya. Plan asal nak gi teluk Cempedak tapi mak haiii jam nya jalan. Last2 kitorang gi Pantai Batu Hitam which is like 15 minutes from Teluk Cempedak. Pantai lagi luas and lagi aman. Motif utama nak kasi Afif main pasir and laut. Aku tak puas hati btol masa kat Langkawi aritu dia geli pijak pasir.

Congrats Allan + Along!

 Afif dan dua pupunya, Rachel Hannah




Bila letak dia atas pasir, memula dia geli and mintak dukung. Second time aku letak je and lari cecepat. Nak tak nak dia terpaksa la berlari kejar aku. Lama-lama dia okay je. Yezza! Seronok la kami berkejaran siap laki aku beli bubbles main ngan dia. Pastu bila main air, memang bertambah suka la. Memang nampak muka dia pelik tengok air laut menerjah kaki siap berpasir-pasir. Lepastu memang ligat nak masuk dalam air. Hamboi hamboi. Aku memang tak kasi dia basah. Seluar je basah sket. Bila diajak balik, dia takmo eh. Nak masuk air jugak. Terpaksa la angkut dia masuk kete. Nasib baik takde drama.

 Happy boy discovering the world by our Creator. 
i hope you grow up to be part of the world, son. 
To see what the world has to offer. 
To appreciate.





The next day we left Kuantan at around 2pm. Sempat gak la bawak Afif berendam kat pool before check-out.

Perjalanan balik kali ni memang mencabar sebabnya Afif tanak dok dalam carseat eh.. First time aku kasi iPad dalam kete, lenguh gak tangan pegang. Bila simpan iPad, mula lah meragam. Dia either nak berpeluk ngan aku dok kat riba laki aku yang tengah drive. Maka memang tahan je la aku 3 jam tu dok blakang bersempit ngan carseat and Wan sambil riba Afif. Mak Ngah dok seat depan sebab dia besar.

All in all, we had fun. Ni yang aku teringin nak gi beach holiday lagi ni. Haih..