Slide Show

June 13, 2015

Maternity Leave Ending Soon

..and i'm dreading it.

I had this plan. I was gonna go on 2 months maternity leave, 1 month extended maternity leave (with half month paid salary) and a few more months of unpaid leave. Cuti banyak-banyak ni sebenarnya sebab Afif patut kene surgery buat cochlear implant in May.

Plan punya plan, Allah is the best planner. Surgery sampai skang tak buat lagi (pending clearance from insurance) maka takkan la nak cuti sparuh/takda gaji for nothing kan?

Nak tak nak, terpaksa la masuk opis. This coming Monday. 

As much as i'm dreading leaving my kids to other people's care, having to wake up early (weh sejak cuti kitorang anak branak bangon kol 10 or 11am kottt), and having to deal with work, i'm kinda excited to go back to work because:

a) i will be transferred to other department (about time! Dah nak 8 thn kot aku di tempat yg sama)
b) i can't wait to wear high heels (ko gila nak berjalan ngan anak pakai heels? Terpeleot kejar afif or baywear dhani)
c) my friends! (As much as i love my kids, i need to talk to adults too. My girls, particularly)
d) window (and actual) shopping. It's a reality when your office building is attached to a mall. 
e) San Francisco Coffee! Ya Allah dah lebih 2 bulan tak pekema kopi san fran. Memang aku melantak sblom puasa ni..

Looking at this list, i suddenly realized that going back to work is not THAT bad. Hope i can stay positive all year round.

To Afif and Dhani, it's not like mama loves being a working mom more than i love being a stay at home mom. God knows how i want to be with you boys at home all the time. Ada rezeki, that will happen ok baby. In the meantime, i pray with all my heart that you'll be okay at the babysitter's/at home with Unyang and that Allah protects you boys from harm.
June 2, 2015

Abang Afif

Today marks Dhani's 50th day in the world.

Afif's 50th day of being a big brother. Of being an Abang.

To be honest, when i was pregnant with Dhani, my biggest concern was not giving birth. It was how would Afif be when he has a sibling. Being the eldest child and grandchild, he's not used to being around babies. i have small cousins but they're all older than Afif so he's always excited to see them. He'd play with them, run around, copy what they do.. He never knew how to be gentle to a baby and never really saw me holding a baby. i tried to tell him that Mama's got a baby in her big tummy, baby has hands, eyes, legs.. i read him books about big brothers and baby. i don't think he understood at that time. He looked at me with a confused face and back to my tummy as if trying to say "That's a ball in the tummy.."

So i read a lot about toddler and little brother/sister. i braced myself for tantrums. i expected him to not-like Dhani. i was worried if he'd hit or sit on Dhani.

50 days on and alhamdulillah, there's no hitting, no over-the-top screaming for attention, no hitting. YET.

i remember the first time we introduced Dhani to him. i waited for him in my post-delivery ward (mintak 2-bedded room as Afif was still warded for diarrhea at that time). He came in, saw Dhani and muka cam pelik apsal tetiba ada budak kecik ni. He hugged me pastu lari berkepit ngan daddy balik. Then i held Dhani close to him and said, "Afif, ni adik. Adik Dhani..". He ignored me, ignored Dhani. Buat-buat busy ngan daddy. Second time, Mr. Chenta plak dukung Dhani and bawak gi tunjuk kat Afif. He took one look at Dhani pastu muka trus berubah nak nanges. 

That broke my heart.

Sebelom bersalin kitorang dapat tips from a few friends on how to avoid abang jeles kat adik. The trick is to give a present to the abang and bagitau hadiah tu dari adik. So we bought a xylophone siap-siap for Afif. Later night (after being ignored by Afif all evening), we gave the Xylophone to him sambil tunjuk kat Dhani "Ni adik bagi Afif. Adik sayang Afif.." Lepas tu baru lah dia nak pandang Dhani. Sebelom tu pandang pon tanak.

Ada skali ni (on Dhani's 3rd day kot), aku nak tukar pampers Dhani. Afif dok sebelah aku. Dia tengok aku bukak bedung Dhani. Pastu aku cakap "Haa.. tengok, ni kaki adik. Adik pakai socks. Jom bukak pampers adik.." and he looked at Dhani like that was the first time. Then dengan muka excited dia kata "a-iii!" (kaki!) sambil tunjuk kaki Dhani. Bila bukak pampers, dia tunjuk bebird Dhani pastu tunjuk kat pampers dia as if trying to say bebird adik macam dia. That's when i realized he never saw Dhani without berbedung. Selama ni bertutup je adik dia. That was the first time dia nampak Dhani ada kaki, bebird bagai. Baahaha! Maybe then he realized that Dhani is actually a person.

And from then on onwards, the love for his brother grew. Dari pandang, dia senyum-senyum. Tak lama pastu pandai usap-usap adik. Everytime Dhani nanges, he'd say "Maa!" sambil tunjuk adik. Or bila Dhani nanges dia hulur tangan nak pangku adik. Sehari brapa puluh kali ntah dia cium kepala adik. Tapi kitorang kene observe gak sebab kadang dia geram dia cucuk mata Dhani. Haha. Kalo malam tengah termenong nak tido tu tangan dia busy usap-usap Dhani. Tengah tido kadang dia golek ke Dhani pastu pelok.

MasyaAllah, he's such a wonderful abang. i'm so thankful for that.

Of course there were times yang dia stress tak dapat main ngan Mama or Mama tak dapat layan sebab mama busy breastfeed/dukung adik. Time macam ni la yang aku pon stress sama coz God, i miss him so much. But we have to deal with that. Nampak la muka sedih tapi dia pandai bawak diri. Tak pernah la dia bengang sampai pukul or hempap adik.

i can't wait for the day when Dhani can play with him. i imagine the two of them building blocks, making a mess out of their room and wrestle. i imagine them building a treehouse with Daddy. Imagine them fighting and crying "Maaa.. Abang/Adik buatttt. Huaaaa.."

First night jadi abang

Suruh main atas lantai tanak. nak main ngan adik 

Tengok TV pon nak pangku adik.

My mischievous boys refusing bedtime.

Mama hopes and prays that you guys will always be the best of friends. Looking after each other. Jangan gadoh-gadoh. Jaga Mama and Daddy bila kami dah tua nanti. i pray for only the best for you.