Selamat Hari Raya!
Today is the third day of Syawal 1427H. Hari ni kitorang tak beraya pon sebab semalam Mr. Chenta kerja syif malam, harini pon kerja malam. So dia tido je siang tadi. Jangan ler harap aku nak pi beraya bawak budak 2 orang ni kalo takde laki aku.
And tonight, i feel like ranting and whining.
i know that i am so, so lucky to be blessed with a happy marriage, a husband who is also my best friend and two happy, healthy and handsome sons. i'm so thankful for them and never have i ever wanted to change that. But let's face it; life is a bitch and mothering is not for the faint hearted.
Man, i'm SO TIRED!
i'm so tired of sleeping on my side, one (or both) boobs out because Dhani still breastfeeds 3-4 times at night.
i'm so tired of not sleeping however long i want like i used to. The kids will be up and happy early in the morning. "Mama, bangonnn. Dah siang!" Afif would say.
i'm so tired of Afif not having the sense of urgency especially when we're late. Time nak cepat la nampak rama-rama la, nak shishi la, nak bagi kete polis makan la, terhegeh-hegeh pakai kasut la. Boy, time waits for no man!
i'm so tired of washing and folding and arranging endless clothes and laundry. Can't they wash and arrange themselves?
i'm so tired of not being able to explore new restaurants,indulge in good food and spend hours savouring and talking over food at restaurants. Afif will sure walk (and run) around the restaurants and Dhani will try to grab everything on the table and follow Afif around. These days we would chew, chew, swallow our food, gulp our drinks and get out of there ASAP. Either that or tapau.
i'm so tired of watching Finding Nemo, Planes, Planes: Fire & Rescue, all 3 Kung Fu Panda, all 2 Cars, Didi & Friends and all the damn cartoon. Can't i have the TV one freaking day all to myself?
i'm so tired of people judging and saying things/making faces when Afif misbehave, tantrum, being naughty and mischievous. Yes, he's gonna be 4 this year. Yes, he does not act and talk like kids his age. YES, people, i know! It's not our parenting skill, his therapist confirmed that. He is deaf and he got other issues that you don't know. So if you can't help/cope/face it, just go the fuck away. Hishhhh.
i'm so tired of feeling incompetent and insecure at work. i feel like i could do better, i should do better.
i'm so tired of not having enough time to work, be a mother, be a wife, keep the house clean, cook, and the bloody laundry..
i'm so tired of my messy and cacat sini sana house. i'm so gonna apply loan and renovate the crib this year.
i'm so tired of being fat. i have these stubborn 2 kgs that won't go away since i had Dhani. They seem to hang on my boobs and ass and my ass is so big and fugly now. Urgh.
i'm so tired of my brother and his drama.
i'm so tired of my skin. Lately i've been having pimples and my eyebags are worse and my skin seems to lose its glow. The girl who does my facials said because of fasting, my skin was dehydrated. Well, they better be okay now coz i'm tired of looking like shit.
i'm so tired of not being able to go for a beach vacay. God, i miss the beach.
i'm so tired of the phase that Afif is in right now; he likes to hit. Excited, lepuk orang. Marah, pukul orang. Seriously where did he learn to lepuk-lepuk ni? Dhani pon terikut dah.
Reading all these make me feel like an ungrateful bitch.
My period must've been approaching. Otherwise the bitch inside of me won't surface.